Anne Louwrens

You start making impossible demands, trying to force the other to jump through your hoops, you cry, you rant, you make them pay and pay in so many ways.

It's all so clear now

It's all so clear now, so very easy to understand once you've seen it at work.

My depressive state of the last couple of months has been one of the most vicious cycles I have ever been trapped in for a long time.

By accepting that I am less, I became less. I accepted that I was going to battle to find a job, and voila, life showed me how right I was. Instead of the positive thinking person I've become in the last years, I turned into a neurotic, anal retentive, that fixated on all the wrong aspects of this process.

My new relationship started irritating me, because I saw in my lover the me I used to be, the one I left behind to wander the path to personal enlightenment. Yet all God wanted to point out to me, is that I've gone and derailed from that path that was supposed to lead me to spiritual Truth.

The answers are always right in front of your nose, but unless life ups and hits you in the head, we tend to get side-tracked into doing, and being that which we most dislike or despise.

I have always loathed failure, yes, even feared it, and now I was being exactly what I said I would never be. An unemployed, financially freaked out human being, turning on those close to me.

Where did I go wrong?

I'll tell you where. The day I started believing that I was less. That belief makes you do the most idiotic things to yourself; and the cycle of misery begins.

Because you believe you are less, you expect others to make up the deficit; they owe you and you will make them see exactly why they should be so damn glad, to have you in their lives.

And if they don't see it?

Well…there are a hundred ways to leave a lover my friend, and there's a sucker born every day…right?

You start making impossible demands, trying to force the other to jump through your hoops, you cry, you rant, you make them pay and pay in so many ways. Your life, as a 'glass half empty person' demand that others make you feel better about yourself, you seek fulfilment in others, never realising that you will only find it from within. You constantly blame others for draining you, for not caring whether you live or die; unconsciously you are doing exactly what you fear most. You are pushing people away- leaving you lonely and living the legacy of self hate.

I left a marriage and subsequent good relationship in the dust because I wanted the world and wasn't given it. I expected the man to make me whole with his love, which he tried to do, only thing is, the way of loving that I was taught by experience always had conditions attached to it. Just saying you love, was never good enough for me, he had to prove himself over and over, and let's face it, who wants to live like that? Who would want to stick it out knowing that nothing he ever does is going to be good enough anyway? In his shoes, I would have left me a long time ago…

So what am I getting at?

When I changed my way of looking at me, from the victim to the victor, I set in motion a chain of events that benefits me directly. I didn't beg and plead; God got through and showed that supplication isn't required in order for Him to hear a voice. I chose to be employed in the name of God, I chose this in thankfulness and held God to his promise that whatever I chose in His name would be mine…and so it was.

Just that realisation, that whatever I choose can and will be mine makes life a whole new ball game. I choose to be successful, so I may no longer shoot myself in the foot and think negative thoughts about my life. I choose love in my life; not the kind people showed me, but the kind God showed me, so I may no longer expect loved ones to ask "how high?" when I say jump. I have to respect them.  I choose financial success, so I may no longer feel guilty for something that makes me happy. I will not push away any longer, that which gives me pleasure in life, for I am the creator of my world, and I might as well create paradise.

Sunchild

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Psychic Tutoring

I train clients on how to develop their psychic ability as I believe we were all born with the ability to know. We will be covering the following:

  • Seeing Auras
  • Distance Viewing
  • Reading People
  • Making Sense of Dreams
  • Psychic Self-Defense

I require a minumum of 5 people per training group with a maximum of 10. The course runs over 12 Saturdays with self practice on your part to succeed. The cost per group per session is R1000, so get your friends to participate to reduce your contribution fee.